It's difficult to try not to think about something

After 4 years, it's over. It should have been over earlier, but I couldn't change my thinking. I'm sorry for being stubbornly persistent in something that was just not meant to be, and for wishfully thinking that I could have made a difference in the end. I couldn't, and things backfired. I was a fool.

Due to circumstances, there was and will never be a chance for my feelings to be honestly delivered and understood. It was too one-sided afterall for any dialogue to take place. But that's life. There's nothing much left to be said.

While it lasted, whatever I did, I did it willingly. It came naturally to me, to need to do those things, perhaps to convey my feelings. No one owes me anything, and neither did they do me wrong.

It has been too long in the same spot, and it's time to move on. I'm late.

Done with my final exams. Everything was last minute, due to a very careless attitude I seemed to have.

Don't feel anything. Went home, jumped on the bike, rode for 2.5 hours, speeds super slow (28kmh on a flat?).

Blank.

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Taken using my new Nokia 6500s. 3.2 meg pixel with some carl-zeiss lens thingy. But well the quality isn't that much better than the old 1.3 meg pixel camera of my 3110c.

Anyway, the number of megapixel don't really mean much. It just affects the size of the image saved. But a lousy, out of focus and grainy image will always be lousy and out of focused, despite the number of pixels. So what's important is the ability to focus the image and the reduction of static. Ok, i'm just talking layman nonsense here since I don't know anything about photography except that pictures should be taken with as still a hand as possible, especially at night when using a slow shutter speed.

Oh yah, I still have 3 papers...

....... something is damn wrong with me. I have 4 modules left, with barely 2 days to study for each.

And I spent 2pm-11pm doing totally NOTHING....

Membrane: Study material all in a mess! I feel confused after all the reading. I went through the notes once, and then tried doing the past year and could barely do 40% of it!
GEM1501: Some question still look plain IMPOSSIBLE to do unless you give me the whole day to sit down and think. I would need to be a logic genius to solve such questions on the spot, and within constraints of syntax.
Biochem: I suppose if I'm still alive and plan my time, this module might be decent?
Petrochem: Another crazy module, with an overload of info to study. I haven't started and still CAN'T start, thanks membrane!
IT2001: I'm pushing my luck here, leaving it to the last minute to study this one.

I've been quite dysfunctional. Seems like innately, studies are like a last priority for me, somehow. Tough luck with jobs too. Going for a few interviews and getting nothing back. Starting to think of how I can bum around...

Final exams, but I'm not putting my mind where it counts. Need to focus, but can't really seem to find the drive.